: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
