matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
