My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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