my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
