Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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