What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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