it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
