I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
