You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
