??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
