i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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