Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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