Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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