What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
