im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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