idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
