dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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