I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
