I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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