I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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