How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize