i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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