Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize