Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
