I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You ruined the universe
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
