I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
