She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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