You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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