i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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