i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
