I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
