I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
