You're so nebulous sometimes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
