We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
