Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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