For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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