i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You ruined the universe
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
