my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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