Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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