areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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