5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
