just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
