You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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