drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
