After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
