will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
