Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
