when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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