eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize