I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
