she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
