Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize