I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
