I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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