Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
