Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
