it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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