Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
