They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
