she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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