i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
