So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
