I puked a lego.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize