Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
