Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
