Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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