so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
