Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
