quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
