Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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